This entry was posted on 2/11/2009 7:03 AM and is filed under PEARLS and WISDOM.
Hey Guys and Gals! Valentines Day is a few short days away. Some advice and suggestions from a relationship destroyer. You might ask why you would take advice from an admitted failure at relationship?? Great Question! I don't listen much to sax hacks that sound like garbage cans and post 50 posts a day on to sax forums either!
What a failure can not tell you is "This is what works!" What a failure CAN tell you is, "This is what WILL NOT WORK!" A failure can advise from a long list of mistakes that lead to that failure. Sound less than "real advice" from a winner? I don't know... Most of us are not perfect. Most of us are making mistakes and learning from trial and error. And, most of us could use a little heads up once and a while to avoid a costly mistake from an expert in mistakes.
I placed this under Pearls and Wisdom not because I think I'm all smart, but because this idea is not mine and did come from a wise individual.
Thermostat or Thermometer???
The question today is - Are you a Thermostat in your relationship or a Thermometer?? The difference is simple. One works to control the temperature, the other just reads it. If you spend your relational efforts reading the climate and never moving it toward comfort and health, you will tend to be pretty negative in that relationship. You will say things like, "This relationship sucks! This chick is crazy! She is so in my face I don't even want to talk to her anymore!" You know the vibe. Things are lame and it is starting to look like they are going to explode one day soon, costing you your house, car and a lot more both emotionally and financially.
You don't have to be married to be there. You will have costs involved in your person when a primary relationship blows up. I don't need to do much on that since we all have background there.
A Thermometer is going to read the climate and say, "It's really cold here!" A Thermostat is going to set a goal temperature and if everything is working right, slowly bring the room to a more comfortable and livable space. Makes sense in our relationships too!
You can blow off being nice, trying, spending any cash, saying you're sorry; due to the obvious cold coming from the other person. OR you can reach out with a little kindness to bring the temp up a bit and possibly allow continued success of that relationship. If things are bad, you can complain and log the bad, or you can attempt to change the bad by inserting some good.
PEARL #1 Nothing changes if nothing Changes!
You can and should be part of the change. IF you're a guy or girl... Why does the other person ALWAYS have to do the work? Would it actually kill you to share the Thermostat time and stop standing there, announcing the signs of dysfunction?? (Greg has been there and done that)
PEARL #2 BE the Thermostat and not the Thermometer is Relationships!
Be a part of the solution and not just another voice of the problems. You can do this! Try it! This Valentines Day take the initiative and do kind things. Don't just try to get by with the least you have to do, but see this as an opportunity to say that you actually love the other person!
With the internet, we can use all kinds of free things to say we love special people. Post a loving thought on MySpace or FaceBook! Send a eCard once in a while, even if there is NO REASON to do so but kindness.
Another idea is sharing video in an email or on a site. Take a pretty video that you think your girl will like and post it on your MySpace or FaceBook with a little dedication. It's easy to do. From YouTube, just hit SHARE and post it. You can add a little message or add a dedication line after it is posted on your page. Even if you don't know how to inbed a video in an email, send a link with a little 2 line note.
Doing things like this keep life in relationships and make you a Thermostat, directing the climate toward warmth.
Yes, I have a suggestion clip for Valentines Day and NO, I don't make anything from you sharing it. I just did this for people to use and share to say I Love You.
Here it is to see. Copy paste the link in an email or post it as suggested above.
2/13/2009 4:25 PM
Marisa wrote:
Awww.....Greg, the video and your writing on relationships was very sweet. Thanks, so much. It bothers me when you refer to yourself as a failure in relationships. All relationships are learning experiences and by your writing I think you've grown in positive ways. Happy Valentines Day!! Reply to this
ALL men are slow creatures when it comes to relationships & it takes them awhile to figure things out. Men & women often miss their "dream" relationship due to their own insecurities and idolatry towards the other person. Shirl has destroyed many relationships that way.
By not realizing my own self worth/identity, my own value to the other person and his life...I was putting the man I was involved with on a pedestal. My common theme? A lack of security, stability, boundaries...a lack of equality that is essential if two people are going to interact successfully for the long term. All those qualities I mentioned assure a warm and friendly climate.
I have ruined many a relationship. Case in point: Most people who enter our life & that we are attracted to are quintessentially alot like ourselves. It's the unrealistic expectations and resultant disappointment/bitterness that brings on the Artic blast. Relationships of any variety require commitment, time, sacrifice and the essential ingredient of both parties wanting to be there. I get that now!
I can look at my relationship with Christ as the model to live by for all relationships. Jesus continues to pursue me on a consistent and relentless basis. My relationship with Him falls apart when I fail to pursue Him back and/or make time for him in my daily life.
We all require the same type of devotion and caring...the same consistent and stable behavior from the one we love most as well as our circle of friends. Even in friendships, there is a conscious decision to be attentive and the resultant actions that enable the friendship to grow. So..saxboy please don't be so hard on yourself!!! Reply to this
Men & women often miss their "dream" relationship due to their own insecurities and idolatry towards the other person. Shirl has destroyed many relationships that way. 